Starring Laura Nativo, Christopher Irwin, Ike Gingrich, and Rhoda Jordan Directed by Reinhart “Rayteam” Peschke The movie is called Aquanoids and yet there is only one Aquanoid in the movie. Worse yet, the lone Aquanoid has little screen time and what little it does have usually lasts about as long as the average shot in a Michael Bay movie. A more appropriate title for this film would have been Aquanoid’s Hands since the creature’s claws are all you get to see for the majority of the film. The Aquanoid’s lack of screen time is matched only by its lack of personality and lack of explanation as to where it came from in the first place. The bulk of the movie focuses on the human intrigue – primarily the efforts of the non-monster villains trying to kill the heroine – that is anything but intriguing. Instead of Aquanoids, the movie should have been given the more appropriate title Evil Old Men Try To Kill A Nubile Dominique Swain Look-A-Like.

Aquanoids starts off with a prologue set in 1987 when the creature first appeared and killed a bunch of people before it just up and vanished without a trace or an explanation. The whole sea monster story has since become local urban legend and the deaths were attributed to non-Aquanoid related accidents. It’s then off to present day where the Aquanoid returns from wherever it’s been all these year to once again kill people for seemingly no particular reason. Local hotty Vanessa, who either fancies herself a marine biologist or actually is a marine biologist, I’m not really sure and I don’t recall if the movie ever made it clear, discovers that the Aquanoid has returned almost as soon as it does.

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If she really is a marine biologist then she must have gotten her degree from the same college that Tara Reid got her archaeology degree from in Alone in the Dark. Frankly, I don’t care because if more oceanographers and marine biologists looked like Laura Nativo then I’d spend a lot more time at the local aquarium. Vanessa immediately runs, or should I say scooters since she gets around everywhere on her trusty foot scooter, to the Mayor with news of the Aquanoid but he won’t hear anything of it because it’s the Fourth of July weekend.

Yeah, you know the drill. We’re also supposed to believe this guy was the Mayor even back in 1987 during the first Aquanoid attacks that he helped cover up.

He must have had himself named “Dictator for Life” to remain in office that long. Another reason the Mayor isn’t so keen on dealing with the Aquanoid problem is because he and a shady land developer are planning to build a huge shopping center that would personally line their pockets with millions of dollars each and the negative publicity a rampaging monster could bring the town would ruin everything. And so the Mayor that looks like the world’s meanest NFL coach circa 1971 with eyebrows so thick light itself could not escape their surface skulks around town with the shady land developer, who looks and acts like an extra on “The Sopranos”, trying to thwart the lovely Vanessa’s attempts to ward the local denizens.

And I do mean they literally walk around all over the place, even spying on her from a distance with binoculars. They even go so far as to murder a reporter that dared to film a story about the monster sightings and attempt to give Vanessa the Silkwood treatment in a scene that features the clumsiest attempted murder in cinematic history. Note to all potential assassins out there: don’t try sneaking up behind your victim and finishing them off by applying the Vulcan Nerve Hold because that only works on “Star Trek”. Vanessa’s token black friend and cop boyfriend aids her on her quest to warn the general populace of the Aquanoid threat by merely handing out flyers telling people to stay out of the water. Oh yes, the town drunk that saw the monster many years eventually joins the crusade. Vanessa eventually discovers an unexpected bond to the town drunk that leads to a ridiculously melodramatic scene more appropriate to a daytime soap opera than to a monster movie.

For the record, all three of Vanessa’s cohorts share the common trait of having the personality of drying wallpaper. But their lack of personality is more than made up for by the local coroner, who must have had himself named “Coroner for Life” since he too has been doing that job in this town for 17+ years, and also aided in the original cover-up. The guy playing the coroner seems to be hoping to win the Jeffrey Combs Award for Wackiest Mad Scientist of the Year but he’s far more annoying than amusing. He’s eating a sandwich while performing an autopsy.

Isn’t that wacky? This character is pretty much the perfect metaphor for the movie since he’s trying so damn hard to be entertaining but it just isn’t happening. Just because a movie knows that it’s cheesy that still doesn’t automatically make it fun to watch. Aquanoids also boasts two of the worst monster attack scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie. A surfer is shown talking to someone on his cell phone while out in the middle of the water when the Aquanoid (Or should I say the Aquanoid’s hands?) begins slashing away at his leg. Does he high tail it back to shore? Does he even try pulling his leg out of the water?

No, he dials 911 and begs the operator to send help. Moments later, the Aquanoid’s hands pull him underwater to his death. Then later on, another potentially wacky character is out Aquanoid hunting. When he thinks he gets a bite on his line he proceeds to put scuba goggles on and leans overboard sticking his head into the water to see what’s tugging on the bait just as any true fisherman would. Right on cue, the Aquanoid (Or should I say the Aquanoid’s hands?) grabs his head and pulls him underwater to his death. I can only assume that the circumstances of these two deaths were supposed to be funny but they were just excessively stupid in a manner to annoying to be amusing.

There’s also a snobby young female whose character exists for no other reason than to provide us with a scene that is either supposed to be an homage to or blatant rip-off of the finale to Humanoids of the Deep. The fact that I can’t tell which it was supposed to be is a testament to how poorly executed that whole sequence is. Aquanoids has all the earmarks of a movie on a next to nothing budget made by a first time director and so it should come as no surprise that the movie was in fact made for next to nothing by a first time director.

According to IMDB, director Reinhart Peschke has worked as a gaffer on many other movies and that seems rather appropriate given the number of gaffs he’s made in his own. Boyfriend Kimi To Dance Dance Dance Mp3 Download. Insert rimshot here. Seriously though, he also has several credits working as a chief lighting technician and, if nothing else, I must say that Aquanoids is a very well-lit movie.

The film is great to look at with vibrant colors and a lot of attractive local scenery, most notably Laura Nativo in a bikini top and daisy duke shorts. I know when you watch an ultra low budget movie like this you’re supposed to give the filmmaker some leeway because of the lack of budget and such, but there’s only so much leeway you can give before you just have to be honest about all of its deficiencies. We are talking about a movie where all of the underwater scenes were clearly shot in about four feet of water. You can see the actors breaking the surface during the underwater shots. The plot is flimsier than Laura Flynn Boyle, the dialogue is as banal as it can get, and the quality of acting ranges from amateurish to public access television to person we pulled off the street at random and stuck in front of a camera.

You know a movie is really bad when character begin naming off other aquatic themed monster movies as an in-joke and all you can think is that you’d much rather be watching any one of those over this. The most unforgivable failing of the film is that the Aquanoid, which looks like a rust-colored merman with a demonic gargoyle head, is relegated to making cameo appearances in its own film.

Well, other than its hands, which get far more screen time than the rest of it. And to be perfectly honest, I’m sick to death of low budget genre filmmakers thinking they skirt by just loading up their movie with excessive gore. You can give us lots of bloody mutilated victims but you can’t give the damn monster any friggin’ screen time? That’s just lazy filmmaking. I’m beginning to suspect that any kid with a digital camera and a bottle of ketchup could make a horror movie these days.

In the end, Aquanoids only has two things going for it. The first is the obvious enthusiasm of the cast. The second is a gorgeous young starlet in skimpy outfits. Neither one makes it worth going out your way to see, although the second one does come pretty close.

Encounters From Africa Short Stories Pdf Download. Starring Katie Kohler, Ashlyn McEvers, Nellie Sciutto Directed by Brett Bentman Further proof that you don’t always need slam-bang action to the brim in an end-of-days type presentation to convey a saddening and ultimately sobering story, and in the case of Brett Bentman’s Apocalypse Road, we see a simplistic style of film-making, and for all purposes it completes its mission aside from a few stumbling points. Shadowing the footsteps of a couple of sisters (Kohler and McEvers) whom are on the move after the eradication of the world’s populace, and their motive in this new bleak territory is simple: get themselves to the East Coast where salvation is rumored to existif I had a dollar for every time a character in a movie made a daring scuttle across the map in the hopes of finding deliverance, I’d have about 10 bucks (sorry to be exact). Anyways, the sisters along the way act as sisters do – they argue with each other and act as consoling sorts the next moment, but more importantly when the shit hits the fan, they have each other’s backs in earnest.

The remainder of society’s souls are marked and inevitably tracked, regardless of what their social standing may have been before the great downfall, and when the imminent threat presents itself (no spoilers here, mind you), the two sisters will have to rely on everything they’ve been holding tight onto in order to survive. While the description I’ve just offered up sounds rather vague, bland and uninspired, don’t end up thinking that’s what this film will offer – it’s simply a matter of interpretation. The story travels in opposing directions as to the siblings (new) directions in their unstable future, and it works to the advantage of the viewer, so as to not leave things too terribly stagnant. The imagery itself is its own best asset, with sprawling shots of decimated structures used as focal points, regardless of their ability to stand their own ground much longer. On the downsides, we’ve got some rather sporadic acts of violence that might not be enough to satisfy those looking for some real bloodshed, but the axis of trouble here lay in the dialogue – listless and immobile emotion from far too many characters are the unintentional murderers of scene progression, and this was a prime example of just that. When all came to a conclusion, I admired some of Bentman’s thoughts and ideas, but was disappointed at the delivery of it all, and it’s not to say that Apocalypse Road won’t have its share of followers, but for this weary traveler, I’ll prefer to take a well-deserved rest at the next stopping pointwherever the hell that might be. Starring Veronica Kedar, Tommy Baremboem, Eli Danker, Evgenia Dodina, Hen Yanni, Aryeh Hasfari Directed by Veronica Kedar Reviewed out of The third feature film from writer/director/actress Veronica Kedar, Family is a dark psychological drama that follows a young woman, Lily, who goes to her therapist to confess to the crime of killing her family.

Instead of meeting her therapist, she begins pouring forth her story to her daughter Talia (Baremboem), a young woman approximately the same age as Lily who suffers from her own host of problems. Family is a film that plays out in parts, each family member getting their own dedicated time. We meet Lily’s father (Danker), a man who has basically lost all love of his children, using them only to impress those in his work environment. There’s the mother (Dodina), who is constantly high on drugs and trapped in an unhealthy battle with Lily’s sister, Smadar (Yanni), who herself suffers from severe mental illness, depression, and manipulative mannerisms. Lastly, there is Adam (Aryeh), the brother who has a rather unsavory relationship with Lily. As previously mentioned, we get to join Lily, magnificently performed by writer/director Kedar, as she takes us through each of these relationships, showing us why they must die, either by her hand or through her actions. We see how dysfunctional this family is and wonder how they ever survived through the years.

Physical and mental abuse runs rampant as no one takes blame for their actions nor does anyone seem to accept their role in the greater problem. This is a family content in misery because they know nothing else, as evidenced by a scene where Smadar manages to escape her room, runs to the front door, throws it open, and then stands there, tears in her eyes as she realizes that she has no place outside the walls of her home. Even Lily, who takes matters into her own hands, admits to Talia that she feels nothing during her actions. This is a defeated family, one that had no intention of ever finding happiness or even attempting to do so. Beautifully shot by cinematographer Christian Huck, the film exudes the darkness and claustrophobia of this family’s interactions. We truly feel like they can never escape one another for even a moment’s respite, the design of the house constantly pressing them against one another.

Add in Daphna Keenan’s absolutely gorgeous yet undeniably melancholic score and you’ve got a film that oozes dourness in a truly magnificent manner. While the film is deserving in this praise, it ultimately feels like somewhat of a moot journey. Talia has her own problems with her therapist mother, problems that never seem to reach any real solution. Lily’s murder of her family seems to bring her no comfort, no solace.

We, the audience, follow Lily and feel terrible for her but there is also sadness for her family, who are so fucked up in their own ways that we can’t simply write them off heartlessly. At the end of the day, there is no one to blame but each other.

Lily may be alive but does she deserve life anymore than Smadar or her mother? For as callous as he is, did the father deserve his fate?

And even Adam, for as obviously twisted as he might be, he recognizes and owns his faults, telling Lily that he loves her, even if he doesn’t always show it in the right way. Family is an emotional and difficult 100 minute journey. While there is much to celebrate in this film, I have issues trying to figure out its ultimate purpose. This isn’t a case where I’m wrestling with my thoughts for hours, if not days. Rather, this is a situation where I look at the film as the credits are rolling and say, “Hmm What was the point?”. Starring Jaimi Page, Alyshia Ochse, Toby Nichols Directed by Sam Patton I’m usually all in when it comes to a psycho in the woods flick, but there was just something about Sam Patton’s Desolation that seemed a bit distant for me distance desolation I’m sure there’s a connection in there somewhere. Either that or I’m suffering from a minor case of sleep deprivation.

Either way, make sure you’ve got your backpack stuffed ’cause we’re hitting the timberlands for this one. The film focuses on mother and son tandem Abby and Sam and the tragic notion that Abby’s love and father to her son has passed away. The absence has been a crippling one, and Abby’s idea of closure is to take her adolescent offspring to the woods where her husband used to love to run and scatter his ashes as a memorial tribute. Abby invites her best friend, Jenn, along as emotional support; and together all three are planning on making this trip a fitting and dedicatory experience until the mystery man shows up.

Looking like a member of the Ted Kaczynski clan (The Unabomber himself), this creepy fellow seems content to simply watch the threesome; and when he ultimately decides to close the distance, it’ll be a jaunt in the forest that this close-knit group will never forget. So there you have it – doesn’t beg a long, descriptive, bled-out dissertation. Patton tosses all of his cards on the table in plain view for the audience to scan at their leisure. While the tension is palpable at times, it’s the equivalent of watching someone stumble towards the edge of a cliff and NEVER tumble over for a long time you literally watch them do the drunken two-step near the lip for what seems like an eternity. What I’m getting at is that the movie has the bells and whistles to give white-knucklers something to get amped about; yet, it never all seems to come into complete focus or allow itself to spread out in such a way that you can feel satisfied after the credits roll.

If I may harp on the performance aspect for a few, it basically broke down this way for me: Both Abby and Jenn’s characters were well-displayed, making you feel as if you really were watching long-time besties at play. Sam’s character was a bit tough to swallow, as he was the sadder-than-sad kid due to his father’s absence, but JEEZ this kid was a friggin’ malcontented little jerk. All I can say is “ Role well-played, young man.” As we get to our leading transient, kook, outsider – whatever you want to call him: He simply shaved down into a hum-drum personality – no sizzle here, folks. Truly a disappointment for someone who was hoping for an enigmatic nutbag to terrorize our not-so-merry band of backpackers. Oh well, Santa isn’t always listening, I guess. Simplicity has its place and time when displaying the picture-perfect lunatic, and before everyone gets a wild hair across their ass because of what I’m saying, all this is was the wish to have THIS PARTICULAR psycho be a bit more colorful – I can still appreciate face-biters like Hannibal Lecter and those of the restrained lunacy set. Overall, Desolation is one of those films that had all the pieces meticulously set in place, like a house of cards until that drunk friend stumbled into the table, sending everything crumbling down.

A one-timer if you can’t find anything else readily available to watch.

On a small island off the California coast it's the Fourth of July and tourists are washing up dead in Babylon Bay, once again! In 1987, rumor has it that mysterious sea creatures called Aquanoids were responsible for 17 vicious deaths. The Mayor dispelled the sightings as urban legend to protect the local tourist trade.

Join environmental activist Vanessa DuMont as her fight to save the endangered abalone on Santa Clara Island turns into a fight of her life. Will she save the island from the latest Aquanoid attacks? Or will the greedy locals let more innocent people be slaughtered? My colleagues at work often question my taste in film: they cannot understand why I waste my time championing low budget horror when I could be watching the latest blockbuster to wow the masses at the local multiplex. After watching Aquanoids, I'm beginning to wonder why I bother myself.

Set on a small island off the Californian coast, Aquanoids stars Laura Nativo as Vanessa, a beautiful diver who, after being attacked by a hideous fish-man, attempts to warn the locals of the danger that lurks in the surrounding waters. This upsets the nasty officials of the island, who are afraid that Vanessa will scare away tourists and upset plans for the building of a shopping complex.

A shoddy mish-mash of themes and ideas stolen from the likes of Jaws, Humanoids From The Deep, and The Creature From The Black Lagoon, Aquanoids is absolutely awful in almost every way imaginable: the direction is clumsy and amateurish; the script is childish, poorly written, and highly unoriginal; the editing shows no hint of restraint, utilising every gimmicky fade, wipe and split-screen effect possible; the monster make-up and gore is cheap and laughable; the special effects are unconvincing; and the acting is uniformly awful. Even some welcome female nudity cannot stop this one from being a total waste of time. Whilst watching this lamentable mess, I noticed that one character had the surname McClure, whilst another was named Bruce—possible references to actor Doug McClure (from Humanoids From The Deep) and Bruce the Shark (from Jaws). There is also a scene where several characters discuss their favourite watery monster movies, mentioning Deep Star Six, Leviathan, Tentacles, Alligator 2 and Roger Corman in the process.

This leads me to believe that the makers of Aquanoids are genuine fans of horror and B-movies. If this is the case, then those involved should hang their heads in shame for giving us this abysmal addition to the genre.